New details on the kiddies

We got a small update from our agency this morning. The updates were written by the nannies who speak Amharic as their first language, so some of the comments were a little unclear.

Here's what we know though...

Both kids wake at 6:30 am, nap at 3:30 pm, then go to sleep at 9pm. I assume that the whole house runs on the same schedule. Neither kids seem to have any sleep issues. They each share bedrooms with 4 other children of the same sex.

Miss M - she's almost exactly the same weight and height as Fletcher, even though she's more than a year older than him. But she is healthy according to her doctor's appt on 12/1/08. She's also:

• potty trained w/ no accidents
• gets along well with her peers
• is in Kindergarten, loves going to school and performs above average in school!
• loves playing with dolls
• favorite food is enjera spaghetti

They also said that she is a very active little girl, she follows the house rules, is really friendly to her friends, and is "just a normal kid". They said that she does not talk about her feelings or her birth parents though.

Mr. F - Is in the process of potty training. Can I just say WAAAAHHOOOOOOOOOO! (We'll see how true that is though, lol.)

• Loves attention and doesn't like being alone.
• Favorite food is also enjera spaghetti
• He "follows the house rules" (as much as a 2 year old can I suppose!)
• He is close to all of his nannies and loves his sister
• "normal two year old child"

They did say he was malnourished at one point but that he is "absolutely great now".

It was so nice to get some information about them. Hopefully we'll get pictures soon too.

We're private.

A few weeks ago I posted that we'd be taking this blog private for awhile. To me, the blog is a place for me to keep track of what's going on with the adoption. It keeps me organized, it keeps family and friends abreast of our progress, it allows me to vent and whine and cry when something goes wrong. It's also a place where I can share information about fundraising, philanthropic organizations, charities, etc. A journal and a newspaper combined, where others can catch a glimpse of what's happening in our world.

That said, the restrictions on this blog have become more and more numerous over the past few months and I feel as if I can't really share anything that I want to.

There are things that are very understandable - like not posting pictures or names of your child before you pass court. No problem!

Then there are things that I can kinda sorta understand, but don't agree with - like the "no fundraising" rule. The powers that be in Ethiopia believe that families should have the money for adoption up front. They don't want people fundraising to afford the adoption. I can understand their point. They want to know that the family has the means to support the child they're adopting. But really, who has THAT much money just sitting around? Rumor (semi-confirmed by various sources) has it there are people in Ethiopia (the ET embassy maybe?) that look online for people who are fundraising and that one person even lost a referral because of it.

Then there are things that I just plain disagree with. For example, our agency shared this CNN article with us about famine in Ethiopia, but told us not to post things like this on our blogs because of the image that it would give people about the country. First of all, if someone did NOT know about famine in Ethiopia before visiting my blog, they've been living under a rock. Secondly, many of us use our blogs to incite action in our friends and family. We want them to feel like they should make a donation or do something....or at least understand why we're doing this. We will forever be tied to Ethiopia through our children and we have a responsibility to help.

Several people have asked if we were going private because there was a problem. No, no problem - don't worry. I just don't want my big ol' anarchist (haha) blabber mouth to get me in trouble, so I thought I'd lock this diary for awhile and just give a few people a copy of the key.

An answer for every question and a question for every answer...

Since I'll be spending the next few weeks just sitting here.....tapping my toe.....waiting for a little piece of paper to show up in my mailbox, I thought I'd take the opportunity to answer some questions we've gotten and tell our "story" so to speak. It's not really all that interesting, but (believe it or not) some people have asked for it.

What made you decide to adopt?
Well, there was no defining, "ah-hah", heavenly angels singing type moment really. Adoption is something that Marc and I talked about before we were married. It's not something I ever mentioned to anyone before I met him, but I always felt like it was something I wanted to do. And he agreed. I can't even remember now if it was the same for him or if that was his "ah-hah" moment, but it's something that we, as a couple, felt would be part of our lives in time.

Trying to be Brangelina, huh?
Not at all. This is, as mentioned, something we wanted to do way before "Brangelina" was even a term. While I'm kind of "icked" by the fact that babies seem to be the new accessory in Hollywood, I'm glad that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (among other celebs) have brought some light to the fact that there are orphans out there in other countries who need families.

Why Ethiopia? Aren't there enough kids in America?
There are a lot of reasons behind this. Some good, some selfish, some unexplainable. When we first started looking into adoption a few years ago we automatically gravitated to international adoption. Our thoughts (real / imagined / ridiculous / whatever) involved not thinking we could do an open adoption as is becoming more common here in the US; knowing that babies were highly desired in the US and we were open to other ages and races that might not be as sought after; knowing that at least kids in the US foster care system were in foster care and not in an orphanage; thoughts about timing; thoughts about "getting" a child v. waiting to be "picked" to be a parent....on and on. They weren't all rational thoughts...but they were ours.

So we originally (back before Fletcher was born - it must have been 2004) decided on international adoption instead of domestic, then we had to pick a country. We began with China, but found that I surprisingly was not old enough because I was only 28 at the time. Ha!

We shied away from eastern block countries because of all of the horror stories you hear about attachment disorders and other emotional problems. Probably an unfair assessment, but hey, I'm just being honest about what led our choices. It was important to us that the child came from a loving place, not a cold, harsh, institution.

The agency we were talking to at the time (Hope's Promise) had a Sierra Leone program that Marc was really excited about. (He's always had an interest in / passion for Africa and its history.) I wasn't so sure though. I really appreciated the loving environment, but I think my biggest concern at the time was about our ability to raise a black child in this world. I don't need to get into racism...we all know it is alive and well. I certainly didn't question whether I'd be able to love a child that looked different than me. I just wondered if I'd be able to give them what they needed to grow up strong, happy and well adjusted.

Long story short, we decided that the timing wasn't right anyway. We decided that, despite our conception woes, we want to keep trying for a bit longer to have a biological child before adopting.

So how did you make that decision then?
One day I got a random email from an adoption agency called Bethany. I had requested some info from them long long ago. The email featured a family of 3 siblings who had lost their parents. It was basically a plea for someone to adopt them. I called Marc (he was out of town) and asked half joking "Do you want three Ethiopian children?" He said yes. The rest is history. We started the process a few weeks later. (No, the kids from that email will not be ours though!)

Are you able to have more biological children? Do you plan to?
Well it's not in OUR plan, but I guess one can never say never. We believe - even after many miscarriages before Fletcher - that we could probably have more biological children. But Marc has been blessed with his daughter Jackie and we've been blessed with Fletcher. We really don't feel the need to have other biological children. We are firm believers that family is what you make it - it's not determined by DNA but by the love you have for one another. Neither of us look at newborns and get "the itch". My womb doesn't yell about the cobwebs that are growing within. We're good. We're happy. We are thankful that we did get to experience pregnancy and child birth and having a newborn. And we'll just have to see what happens next.

How much does adoption cost?
A lot. Surprisingly, no one is really getting rich or profiting from it. The money goes for lots and lots and lots of government paperwork (ours and theirs), to our agency for guiding us through the whole process, to the orphanage in Ethiopia, to other organizations that have their hands in the mix and for traveling to and from the country. Our airline tickets alone can cost around $3000 each. Wowza!

How long will it take?
We have no idea. We are the trailblazers for our agency's Denver office. Our social worker has said that it could take 12 - 18 months for us to get a referral. As I have learned, she tends to overestimate time lines (but only so that we are not disappointed or frustrated). Marc seems to think that we will travel by the end of the year. I hope he's right. People with other agencies have been waiting 6 - 9 months it seems, but there are always different time lines for different situations.

Why two kids?
We originally planned to have 2 (3 if you ask Marc, but let's face it, it's my womb) biological children, the adopt one child. We still want a big family, so we decided to go for it and adopt two children. We made up in our own minds that they would adapt better having a biological sibling here with them...I don't know if that's true in the least but it made sense to us. If you ask Marc he would say it's the "buy one, get one half price" offer (which is not nearly true, but he thinks he's funny). Oh and he'd also say "So my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful wife only has to go through doing all that $%^*& paperwork one time."

Okey-doke...that's about all the questions I can remember for now. If you have more, just leave a comment. We'll be happy to answer just about anything.