The day that wouldn't end.

So, as previously mentioned, today was supposed to be a busy day. Funeral in the morning, work, cover a shift for another person as well, get my HepB shot, and so on.

I had to forgo the funeral, although Marc was able to sneak out of school for an hour to attend. Around 9:30 our power went out. Great. I decide to go into Denver, find somewhere with WiFi and sit there for several hours until its time for my appointment at the travel clinic.

I walk out the door and immediately sink into two feet of snow. Ugh. This is going to be a long trip. I slowly make it down the dirt road in our neighborhood to the main road and realize I've forgotten my wallet. I drive back to get it, get my immunization appointment rescheduled for earlier and head back out. There had to be 20 accidents between Evergreen and Denver complete with ambulances, a zillion police, firetrucks, every tow truck in the city, and THREE jack-knifed semi trucks. It was a looooooooooooong drive to say the least, but there was no option, I had to get that shot.

So here I am several hours later, sitting at McDonald's using their free WiFi. I really have to pee, but I don't want to pack all this stuff up to go to the bathroom. (Did you need to know that?) Marc's planning to pick me up after he's done at school this afternoon so that we can leave one car down here.

Just what I need today, right?

3 Days...

THREE days! Every time I stop and think about that my stomach feels queasy. Not only will we be going to AFRICA, but we'll be meeting the newest members of our family. We'll be parents to THREE children. Not to brag, but I think I look pretty good for having three kids. ha-ha

To do...

• Pack - everything is picked out, I washed the kids' clothes today.
• Finish making tote bags - About 2 more hours worth of work and these will be done!
• Break out the Amharic cd & book.
• 2nd HepB shot on Friday.
• Make copies of passports & print out forms we need to bring
• Find a gift for our agency's liaison in Ethiopia
• Install additional car seats

Edited to say: We just got our travel docs in the mail from Susan Parr travel, whom I highly recommend. We never use a travel agent anymore as it's easy enough to find your own good deals online these days. But I didn't realize quite how much you have to think about when it comes to a trip like this.

Travel dates can change if there's a snag in the visa paperwork. With most airlines you can't change the tickets, or you have to pay a large fee. Susan has contracts in place that allow her not only the best deals, but she's also able to change out flights if needed. She deals with everything you don't even want to think about - like which country you should travel through to avoid having to get additional visas. And if you find yourself stuck on a runway somewhere, you call her and she makes everything better. In this long crazy process it's nice to be able to give a piece of the stress and responsibility to her, so that you don't have to deal with it.

Not much to report...

...waiting for an update, new pictures, any tidbit of information we can get.

...waiting for our court date.

...looking for beds for the boys' room and bedding for the girlie girl's room.

...selling all our leftover infant/baby stuff on Craigslist. (Wow, all this time I blamed the mounds of junk in our basement on Marc. Who knew it was really Fletcher's fault!? (haha) We've sold 5 trash bags full of baby clothes, an exersaucer, jumparoo, bouncer, pack & play, playmat and box of toys. AND, we still have more to go. It feels great to get rid of this stuff. I unpacked it all and oooh'd and aaah'd over how tiny and cute it was, and how I couldn't believe how much Fletcher has grown. But no tears were shed.

...trying to get our basement in order and turned into a playroom, so that the current playroom (aka extra bedroom) can be turned into girlie girl's room.

I guess that's about it. I'd love to fly off and scoop them up tomorrow, but we do have things to accomplish here first and, hopefully, that'll keep our minds occupied for awhile.

Things are looking up

I was visiting Bethany's web forum today when I saw this message posted:

"I was just on the ET Adoption page - revisiting it to see if anything had changed. As I recall it used to say that the wait time for a referral for children over 2 used to say 6-8 months. Now it says 2 months. "

I both love and hate seeing info like this. I love it because it gives me hope that something related to this adoption might move quickly. I hate it because it gives me that hope, then I'm usually let down.

Here's where we are:

• Our dossier should be in DC right now getting authenticated.
• It should be returned to the home office within the next week.
• Within a week or two after that, the home office should send it to Ethiopia.
• I believe it takes a month or so there to be translated and go through the Ministry of Women's Affairs. (I'm kinda sketchy on this part?)
• Then we wait for a referral.

I don't know how many families with our agency have requested siblings, but everyone who uses the Bethany web forum has requested one child and/or infants. Theoretically we could be very close to the top of the list for siblings ages 0 - 4.

Still waiting for our I-171h

Waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting
waiting

This is starting to remind me of trying to have a baby. We tried and tried and tried. And waited and waited and waited. And hit some road blocks. And had some misfortunes. And it seemed like everyone else around us was having an easy time of it. Not that the adoption process is "easy" for ANYone. But some people's process is a helluva lot quicker than ours. Like when we were trying to get pregnant. And you're happy for other people who are bringing home babies. Of course you are. But still a little sad for yourself. It's a weird feeling to be happy and sad at the same time.

An answer for every question and a question for every answer...

Since I'll be spending the next few weeks just sitting here.....tapping my toe.....waiting for a little piece of paper to show up in my mailbox, I thought I'd take the opportunity to answer some questions we've gotten and tell our "story" so to speak. It's not really all that interesting, but (believe it or not) some people have asked for it.

What made you decide to adopt?
Well, there was no defining, "ah-hah", heavenly angels singing type moment really. Adoption is something that Marc and I talked about before we were married. It's not something I ever mentioned to anyone before I met him, but I always felt like it was something I wanted to do. And he agreed. I can't even remember now if it was the same for him or if that was his "ah-hah" moment, but it's something that we, as a couple, felt would be part of our lives in time.

Trying to be Brangelina, huh?
Not at all. This is, as mentioned, something we wanted to do way before "Brangelina" was even a term. While I'm kind of "icked" by the fact that babies seem to be the new accessory in Hollywood, I'm glad that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (among other celebs) have brought some light to the fact that there are orphans out there in other countries who need families.

Why Ethiopia? Aren't there enough kids in America?
There are a lot of reasons behind this. Some good, some selfish, some unexplainable. When we first started looking into adoption a few years ago we automatically gravitated to international adoption. Our thoughts (real / imagined / ridiculous / whatever) involved not thinking we could do an open adoption as is becoming more common here in the US; knowing that babies were highly desired in the US and we were open to other ages and races that might not be as sought after; knowing that at least kids in the US foster care system were in foster care and not in an orphanage; thoughts about timing; thoughts about "getting" a child v. waiting to be "picked" to be a parent....on and on. They weren't all rational thoughts...but they were ours.

So we originally (back before Fletcher was born - it must have been 2004) decided on international adoption instead of domestic, then we had to pick a country. We began with China, but found that I surprisingly was not old enough because I was only 28 at the time. Ha!

We shied away from eastern block countries because of all of the horror stories you hear about attachment disorders and other emotional problems. Probably an unfair assessment, but hey, I'm just being honest about what led our choices. It was important to us that the child came from a loving place, not a cold, harsh, institution.

The agency we were talking to at the time (Hope's Promise) had a Sierra Leone program that Marc was really excited about. (He's always had an interest in / passion for Africa and its history.) I wasn't so sure though. I really appreciated the loving environment, but I think my biggest concern at the time was about our ability to raise a black child in this world. I don't need to get into racism...we all know it is alive and well. I certainly didn't question whether I'd be able to love a child that looked different than me. I just wondered if I'd be able to give them what they needed to grow up strong, happy and well adjusted.

Long story short, we decided that the timing wasn't right anyway. We decided that, despite our conception woes, we want to keep trying for a bit longer to have a biological child before adopting.

So how did you make that decision then?
One day I got a random email from an adoption agency called Bethany. I had requested some info from them long long ago. The email featured a family of 3 siblings who had lost their parents. It was basically a plea for someone to adopt them. I called Marc (he was out of town) and asked half joking "Do you want three Ethiopian children?" He said yes. The rest is history. We started the process a few weeks later. (No, the kids from that email will not be ours though!)

Are you able to have more biological children? Do you plan to?
Well it's not in OUR plan, but I guess one can never say never. We believe - even after many miscarriages before Fletcher - that we could probably have more biological children. But Marc has been blessed with his daughter Jackie and we've been blessed with Fletcher. We really don't feel the need to have other biological children. We are firm believers that family is what you make it - it's not determined by DNA but by the love you have for one another. Neither of us look at newborns and get "the itch". My womb doesn't yell about the cobwebs that are growing within. We're good. We're happy. We are thankful that we did get to experience pregnancy and child birth and having a newborn. And we'll just have to see what happens next.

How much does adoption cost?
A lot. Surprisingly, no one is really getting rich or profiting from it. The money goes for lots and lots and lots of government paperwork (ours and theirs), to our agency for guiding us through the whole process, to the orphanage in Ethiopia, to other organizations that have their hands in the mix and for traveling to and from the country. Our airline tickets alone can cost around $3000 each. Wowza!

How long will it take?
We have no idea. We are the trailblazers for our agency's Denver office. Our social worker has said that it could take 12 - 18 months for us to get a referral. As I have learned, she tends to overestimate time lines (but only so that we are not disappointed or frustrated). Marc seems to think that we will travel by the end of the year. I hope he's right. People with other agencies have been waiting 6 - 9 months it seems, but there are always different time lines for different situations.

Why two kids?
We originally planned to have 2 (3 if you ask Marc, but let's face it, it's my womb) biological children, the adopt one child. We still want a big family, so we decided to go for it and adopt two children. We made up in our own minds that they would adapt better having a biological sibling here with them...I don't know if that's true in the least but it made sense to us. If you ask Marc he would say it's the "buy one, get one half price" offer (which is not nearly true, but he thinks he's funny). Oh and he'd also say "So my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful wife only has to go through doing all that $%^*& paperwork one time."

Okey-doke...that's about all the questions I can remember for now. If you have more, just leave a comment. We'll be happy to answer just about anything.

A light at the end of the tunnel

I keep feeling like we're "this close" but just can't quite get there. Like one of those dreams where you're trying to run, but you're running in place. Or you have to get to school but you can't find any clothes that match, then you miss the bus, then you try to call your mom but you keep punching the wrong numbers on the phone. Hmmm...maybe that's just me.

Anyway...

I got a message from UPS that they'll be delivering something from VitalChek today. Yes folks, that would be Marc's birth certificate - the long one, not the short one - with letter of exemplification. The one that I ordered on 3/17 and paid extra for to get it in 2 - 3 days. And if you have a calendar you'll notice that today is 3/27.

Marc is on spring break this week and has been painting his little heart out trying to get our house ready to put on the market. Tomorrow I'll give him a respite from painting and drag him to get our police clearances then to get all of our dossier documents notarized. Fun stuff - this should be better than Spring Break '89 in Daytona. I might even flash him or something.

Don't mess with Texas!

Well I'm not from Texas, but if I was I probably would have yelled that at the bank today.

Of all things you don't want to do while in the adoption process, buying a house is probably at the top of the list. And we weren't really planning on buying a new house. We just happened to see one in a great location. For a great price. So we thought maybe we'd take a look. Which led to me yelling at the 12 year old kid at the bank because he was more interested in flirting with the teller and slacking off than helping me with a home loan. I *may* have told him I would go somewhere else if I was inconveniencing him. But come on, I get three letters a week from this bank telling me I'm a preferred customer and all the wonderful things they can do for me. Now I try to call in a favor and I get this. Anyway... I'm sure I'm not the first or last woman to yell at him. Call it training for marriage.

The nice thing about looking into home loans when you're adopting is that you actually have MORE paperwork than the bank could ever want. This is how the conversation went:

Bank lady: I'll need your 2007 W2's.

Me: Here, I have my W2's from 2007 as well as my state and federal tax returns. Would you like 2004, 2005 and 2006 as well?

BL: Um, no. How about paycheck stubs?

Me: Sure, and here are some notarized letters from our employers verifying length of employment and income. You know...in case that will help.

BL: Do you have any stocks, bonds, other assets?

Me: (clunking down a one inch stack of statements from stocks, 2 mutual fund accounts, 401k, 403b, 529b, 2 life insurance policies) Yes, I think I might have a few.

Well you get the picture. I wanted to say "Don't test me lady. I'm the QUEEN of paperwork!"

And while I was there (you know, since I had already scared all of the teenagers working there) I thought hmm....I might as well get the "financial statement" for my dossier. I won't even go into that story. But at least it's d-o-n-e!! And I seem to remember apologizing and promising to bake them cookies or something.

Last night Marc picked up his letter and forms from his doctor. My doctor called today so that I could read him the results of my TB test (self service - nice) and I appear to be fine, so he's mailing my forms for that. And my dear friend Pam delivered the sweetest letter of recommendation to me last night over girl talk, grilled cheese and fries. What could be better!?

Oh what a night

We had a great dinner at Habesha, a local Ethiopian restaurant, last night. This has been in the works for maybe 2 months now and our group actually grew so big that the restaurant could no longer accommodate all of us. We ended up splitting into two groups and meeting at Habesha and the Nile. Each place had about 50 people turn out. I never ever would have imagined having a support group that big here in Colorado. It was pretty cool. Everyone was so friendly, the food was delicious and the kids all ran around and had a great time.

The restaurant had a giant projection screen on which they showed Ethiopian music videos. The kids (and some adults) danced and played. The staff was so nice and put up with the craziness well. I think the owner was secretly in heaven. I kept seeing him pick up kids, hug and kiss them, then put them back down to play. Too sweet. And at one point he mentioned to our organizer that one day he'd like to host a party for us, at his expense, as a way of saying thank you for taking care of all of these Ethiopian children. I think that was just amazing. Although I don't think a single person there would say that they were taking care of a child or rescuing or saving them....more likely the other way around. But sweet of him nonetheless.

In talking to so many people last night we found that our agency seems to work very differently than a lot of others. Marc and I kept hearing people say that they had gotten their referrals and were just getting all their paperwork to Ethiopia at this point. With Bethany, you basically don't exist until your dossier is complete and sent over there. So it seems as if our wait is going to be quite a bit longer than a lot of people we met. There were some other differences that escape me right now, naturally. One was the CPR & 1st Aid certifications, which are not required by other agencies. Oh, yes, and other agencies evidently allow you to adopt non related children at the same time. We are only allowed to adopt siblings who have the same father.

We picked Bethany because they are a well-established agency. As a kid, my mom had a friend who worked there, and we know others who are currently using them, so it seemed to me like a good, reputable company. And I know they are. I'm just trying to not let this get in my head...trying not to think we made the wrong decision. We picked them, they are a good company, our social worker is wonderful, I don't have to worry about them closing or going out of business and I know that there are reasons behind all of the requirements they set.

Do I sound convinced yet?

A funny thing happened

I was at Target the other day and exchanged a few quick words about the weather with a lady at the little Starbucks area. We both got coffee and went out to shop. I ran into her again in the diaper section, again in the kids clothing department, and yet again in the seasonal area. We both finally laughed and she asked how old my kids were. I felt like a deer caught in headlights and it took me a moment to be able to say anything at all.

When Marc and I talk about our kids in Ethiopia we sort of assume (I have no idea why) that we will have a boy and a girl. We talk about them as if they're already part of the family and we talk about our lives/futures as if we already have 3 children.

So when this lady asked me how old my kids were, I didn't know exactly how to answer. "Well one is 2 1/2 and the other two are somewhere between 1 and 5 when I picture them in my head." seemed like it would need way to much of an explanation. So after going through that inner monologue I was finally able to mumble something about having a 2 year old. I'm sure she was thinking "gosh that wasn't supposed to be a hard question". Next time I'll be better prepared.

Ramblings...

Lately I find myself pouring over the other Ethiopian adoption blogs, looking at all the pictures and wondering who our kids will be. I'm just so excited to find out. Will we have a little girl in our family? Or a house full of boys? I don't think we have any preference at all. But it would be sweet to have a little girl. Sigh.
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I know they're mostly volunteers and all, but is it that hard to reschedule a CPR class? No one at the Red Cross will call me back. And they've taken my money. Not nice.
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We're going out to an Ethiopian restaurant called Habesha on 2/23 with some other local adoptive families. I'm excited to meet them. But nervous too.

Just a nice day...

I'm at home with my sick little one today (the sick part isn't nice) and we've just had a fun day playing and watching too many movies. He's sound asleep in bed now for his nap, along with a giant Elmo, 2 tractors and some small farm animals. I guess there's just some things you can't part with.

We have our CPR / 1st Aid certification class tomorrow. It'll be a long day but it really is important info to know. How funny ("not funny ha ha" as Ellen would say) that any schlep (myself included) can have a baby with no credentials at all, but to adopt you have to have background checks and blood tests and training and and and... If everyone was required to go through that to be a parent, well the world might be a better (and less populated) place. Ha!

Anyway... there just seems to be so much going on. CPR class, home study interviews starting, and now we're scheduled at the end of Feb for a training class through our agency. I know, I know, I know that this is just the beginning. I know there's so much more paperwork to do, and hoops to jump through and, the worst part, waiting with nothing to do...but for now I'm going to allow myself to be excited about the progress we're making.

Oh, and the reason I even started this post today... I'm making all sorts of new friends in the Ethiopian Adoption community! I just found a fantastic blogroll of families adopting from Ethiopia as well as a great local Google Group. It's such a great feeling to know that there are others out there who are going through the same process and paperwork and frustrations and joys. It sounds like our kiddos will have a great little local Ethiopian community.

It's a good day!

Happy New Year!

I can't wait to see what 2008 brings for us. I'd like to think that our family is going to grow this year! We'll also probably be moving sometime towards the end of the year and, hopefully, Marc will have a new job as well. Lots of exciting changes for certain.

I've been lucky enough (insert eye roll here) to be sick in bed with the flu for the past 2 days, giving me lots of time to read There is no me Without You. This is a must read - for those adopting or not - to get a stunning view of what is happening in Ethiopia. The picture in my head of Ethiopia always was of Sally Struthers in a little remote village with tiny naked boy with big belly. This book tells of the chaos that the whole country is facing because of death and disease and lack of aid. It almost makes me feel...guilty?...for selfishly adopting children who I want to bring home with me and claim as my own. Like I should actually be providing them with a way to stay in their country with their families. Unfortunately most of them have no families due to AIDS and other diseases. I'd be really interested in hearing how others felt after reading this book (I'm only about 1/2 way through right now.).

Need to get this all down...

I'll come back some day soon - after the holidays are over, and the laundry is done, and the 5 books I've started are returned to the library, and the bills are paid - and give you a proper background story on this, our adoption journey. Until then, I just need to track things, post our progress, make notes... I need a place to get it all out, but a place where no one really has to listen to me ramble on and on and on.

12/4/07 - We attended an informational meeting at Bethany on international adoption.

12/13/07 - Returned to Bethany to start the process. Came home with a mountain of paperwork, but I wasn't as overwhelmed as I thought I'd be. Turns out I'm a planner and quite organized. Oh fine, obsessive-compulsive...whatever you want to call it.

12/18/07 - Trying to persuade my more laid back counterpart to fill out his SAFE form so that we can turn in a grip of paperwork tomorrow.

To do:
- get fingerprinted